Twee boere, Jakob en Hendrik dryf rond in ‘n boot op see. Hulle grawe deur die boot se voorraad en Hendrik ontdek ‘n lamp.
Hy vryf die lamp en ‘n genie kom uit. Die slegte nuus, sê die genie, is dat daar net een wens is. Hendrik, sonder om te dink, skree, “verander die see in brandewyn en coke!” Die genie klap sy hande en die see verander in brandewyn en coke.
Die twee sit doodstil en dink. Jakob staar na Hendrik met misnoë. “Mooi so, breindood” sê hy, “nou moet ons in die fo#@en boot pis!!”
Koos het n afspraak by die haarkapper en stap presies 3-uur by die salon in.
Haarkapper: ” Jislaaik, jy is presies op tyd, net soos George”
Koos: ” Wie is George?”
Haarkapper: ” George was n ou wat alles altyd reg en perfek gedoen het. Soos jy nou presies 3-uur hier ingestap het was George altyd stiptelik en altyd hoflik en altyd netjies”
Koos: ”Ja, maar almal het tog maar iewers n tekortkoming of twee”
Haarkapper: ”Nie George nie nee, hy was n uitstekende atleet, rugbyspeler en tennisster met n gespierde liggaam om van te droom. Hy kon opera sing wat Frank Sinatra na n amateur laat klink het en dan kon hy boonop homself op die klavier begelei. Nee George was n amazing ou, nie so allerdaags en onbeholpe soos ek nie”
Koos: ”Klink my hy was regtig n merkwaardige ou”
Haarkapper: ”Baie merkwaardig. Hy het n brein soos n computer gehad. Hy het almal se verjaarsdae en huweliksherdenkings onthou. Hy was n wynkenner en fynproewer van formaat met die mooiste tafelmaniere ooit Verder kon hy enige ding op aarde regmaak, nie soos ek wat net probeer om die stoof se fuse te vervang en dan die hele buurt se krag laat trip nie. Nee, ou George kon net niks verkeerd doen nie”
Koos: ”Ja-nee wragtig, jy kry nie baie sulke mense nie”
Haarkapper: ”Jy weet, hy het die gawe gehad om nooit in die verkeer vas te sit nie. Hy het altyd die kortste en vinnigste roete gery sonder om ooit in n verkeersknoop te land. Ek, aan die ander kant, land elke bleddy dag in n traffic jam. George het net nie foute gemaak nie, en kon hy n vrou bederf en laat goed voel! Al is sy verkeerd het hy nooit tee gepraat of geargumenteer nie. Kyk, meer perfek as George kan en sal jy nerens kry nie”
Koos: ”Ongelooflik, hoe het jy hom ontmoet?”
Haarkapper: ”Nee, ek het nooit die voorreg gehad om vir George te ontmoet nie. Hy is n paar jaar gelede oorlede ……… ek het met sy fokken weduwee getrou”
Ek wens almal ‘n baie geseënde Kersfees en ‘n wonderlike 2012 toe!!
Dankie vir die lekker lag die afgelope jaar, dit maak ‘n bra kak dag sommer baie beter!!
Moenie te veel eet en drink nie, ry veilig, en vir die gelukkiges wat op vakansie gaan, kom veilig terug.
O ja, onthou die sonbrand room!!!
Yes yes… dankie Dries, voorspoed van huis tot huis.
Grappie vir die week:
Ons Suid Afrikaners is snaakse mense.
As ons depressed voel dan suip ons,
As ons iets wil celebrate dan suip ons,
As ons niks het om te doen nie dan suip ons.
Daar is groot fout mense!!!
Bring vanmiddag jou dop, dan praat ons hieroor.
Ek het die afgelope vakansie ‘n interresante episode beleef:
Nadat ons terug was by die huis, het my tuinhulp van baie jare ook toe
so twee weke se verlof gekry.
Dit het natuurlik beteken dat ekself weer agter die grassnyer moes inskuif.
Die Saterdag-oggend was ek in my oudste PT-broek en T-shirt besig om die gras op die sypaadjie voor ons huis te sny,
en ek was haastig en wou die job ordentlik en gou afgehandel kry. Ek was nie lus om vir ‘n nuwe voornemende tuinhulp
te verduidelik hoe die gras gesny moes word nie.
Maar soos dit maar altyd gaan: As jy niemand nodig het nie, dan daag al die hulp in die wereld op. Elkeen wil weet of hy
nie ‘n piece-job vir die dag kan kry nie. Toe die vierde een opdaag en hande in die sakke staan en vra of hy ‘n piece-job
kan kry, toe verloop die gesprek omtrent soos volg:
Hy: “Ek ken hom die sny van die gras, ek soek die job”
Ek: “Sorry man, ek bly nie hier nie, ek werk net vir die mense wat hier binne bly.”
Hy: “Hau, die mense hulle employ ‘n whitey by die tuin”
Ek: “Ja, en hulle gee nie eers kos by lunchtime nie.”
Einde van die storie was, dat hy sy pakkie Kent sigarette uithaal, en my een aanbied.
Ek vat toe een, en hy steek hom vir my aan. Ek vat so drie trekke, nip die outjie, en
sit die stompie agter my oor.
So met die wegstap was sy laaste woorde: “Die ANC het alles kom opf…k.
Fokkit ouens, ek was besig. Die nuwe baba het opgedaag, en tussen in werk ek my gat los. Net toe ek lus raak vir bietjie kakpraat op Snaaksgenoeg, gaan pleeg my rekenaar selfmoord!
Ek is nogsteeds besig, maar so kan dit nie aangaan nie – ek sal my vinger uit my hol trek en bietjie iets kwyt raak!
Nogmaals baie geluk Wors!!!! Hoop die kleinding gaan julle baie vreugde gee.
Die kak is nou net die min slaap, maar gelukkig is hulle groot voor jy behoorlik die kak uit jou oë vee!!
Ons verstaan dat jy soos ‘n jags kat rondhardloop, maar weet verseker dat jou lojale ondersteuners nooit sal weggaan nie!!
Julle ouens is maar stil!! Is daar nog lewe daar buite?
Grappie vir die vrydag:
The history of rugby
It is largely unknown to players and followers of the modern game that rugby started off purely as a contest for forwards in opposition in line-outs, scrums, rucks and mauls. This pitted eight men of statuesque physique, supreme fitness and superior intelligence in packs against one another.
In those days, the winner was the pack that won the most set pieces. The debasement of the game began when backs were introduced. This occurred because a major problem was where to locate the next scrum or line-out.
Selecting positions on the ground for these had become a constant source of friction and even violence.
The problem was resolved by employing forward rejects, men of small stature and limited intelligence, to run aimlessly around within the field of play.
Following a set piece, the ball would be thrown to one of them, who would establish the next location either by dropping it or by throwing it to another reject for dropping. Very occasionally, a third reject would receive the ball before it would be dropped, and crowds would wildly cheer on these rare occasions. Initially these additional players were entirely disorganized but with the passing of time they adopted set positions.
For instance, take the half-back. He was usually one of the smallest and least intelligent of the backs whose role was simply to accept the ball from a forward and to pass it on to one of the other rejects who would drop it, providing the new location for the forwards to compete. He could easily (given his general size) have been called a quarter forward or a ball monkey but then tolerance and compassion are the keys to forward play and the present euphemism was decided on.
The five-eighth plays next to the half-back and his role is essentially the same except that when pressured, he usually panics and kicks the ball.
Normally, he is somewhat taller and slightly better built than the half-back and hence his name. One-eighth less and he would have been a half-back, three-eighths more and he might well have qualified to become a forward.
The centres were opportunists who had no expertise but wanted to share in the glamour associated with forward packs. After repeated supplication to the forwards for a role in the game they would be told to get out in the middle of the field and wait for instructions. Thus, when asked where they played, they would reply “in the centre”. And they remain to this day, parasites and scroungers who mostly work as lawyers or used car dealers.
You may ask, why wingers? The answer is simple. Because these were players who had very little ability and were the lowest in the backline pecking order, they were placed as far away from the ball as possible. Consequently, and because the inside backs were so diligent in their assigned role of dropping the ball whenever they received it, the main contribution to the game made by the winger was not to get involved. Their instructions were to run away as quickly as possible whenever trouble appeared, and to avoid tackles at all costs. The fact that the game was organised so that the wingers didn’t get to touch the ball led to an incessant flow of complaints from them and eventually the apt description “whingers” was applied. Even though the “h” dropped off over the years, the whingeing itself unfortunately has not.
Lastly, the full-back. This was the position given to the worst handler, the person least able to accept or pass the ball, someone who was always in the way. The name arose because the forwards would understandably become infuriated by the poor play invariably demonstrated by that person, and call out “send that fool back”. He would then be relegated well out of everyone’s way to the rear of the field.
So there you have it. Let’s return to the glory days of a contest between two packs of eight men of statuesque physique, supreme fitness and superior intelligence. The rest can go off to where they will be happier, playing soccer.
whogives aphok: Die ou is ‘n doos .. Laevlak vermaak vir die laevlak Afrikaner
DRIES: Sy’s in elk geval nie juis iets om na te kyk nie, dis seker hoekom sy maar met ‘n wikkelwurm tevrede moet wees!! Ja, Facebook kan ‘n bliksem wees…veral as jy so donners naief is om te dink niemand anders kan lees wat jy skryf nie. My fok, as jy nie seker is oor iets nie, vind uit hoe dit werk!! Ek het al die grootste klomp stront gelees en maar net my kop geskud vir mense se onnoselheid!!
Worsbeursie: Dankie Normandp! Baie wakker van jou! Hel maar mense kan gemeen wees! Siestog….
Normandp: Tracy se facebook accout was gehack, dit was nie sy wat die satus geplaas het nie. http://current.com/1a5km4c
Worsbeursie: Dankie Dries! Dit is ‘n meisie, Inge. Ek wonder self, maar om soos oopgespalk te lê tot die gips af kom moet hel wees. Wat maak jy as jou knaters jeuk?
DRIES: Hi Wors, baie geluk met die nuwe aankomeling!! Seuntjie of dogterjie?? Naam?? Hoop julle het baie vreugde met die klein bondeltjie. Hel, ek wonder wat het die arme knaap wat so oop ketels lê oorgekom?? Ek deel jou sentiment in die laaste sin 100%. Dinge soos liefde, geluk, respek, empatie ens. kan geen geld koop nie
hardspear: Ja nee, mens kan jou nie verkwalik dat jy daai afleiding gemaak het nie… Ek dink egter dis veiliger om ‘n dame van onderhandelbare liefkosing te onthaal as ‘n Rekkie se amper eks…
Moes net hierdie ook opsit… WDF is fout met mense??!!
Lekker naweek!
http://explainthisimage.com/unexplainable-photo/popular/1676-after-37-years-of-hiding-wh
http://explainthisimage.com/unexplainable-photo/popular/689-dad
http://explainthisimage.com/unexplainable-photo/popular/623-elvis-meets-micheal-jackson
Wors, hierdie een is vir jou…
http://explainthisimage.com/unexplainable-photo/popular/658-just-another-example-of-ger
Nee O bliksem, die ou op die ysbeer is vir ewig gebrand in my brein. Wat gesien is, kan nie ongesien word nie.
So ou maandag grappie:
Twee boere, Jakob en Hendrik dryf rond in ‘n boot op see. Hulle grawe deur die boot se voorraad en Hendrik ontdek ‘n lamp.
Hy vryf die lamp en ‘n genie kom uit. Die slegte nuus, sê die genie, is dat daar net een wens is. Hendrik, sonder om te dink, skree, “verander die see in brandewyn en coke!” Die genie klap sy hande en die see verander in brandewyn en coke.
Die twee sit doodstil en dink. Jakob staar na Hendrik met misnoë. “Mooi so, breindood” sê hy, “nou moet ons in die fo#@en boot pis!!”
Goeie een Brannas!!
Koos het n afspraak by die haarkapper en stap presies 3-uur by die salon in.
Haarkapper: ” Jislaaik, jy is presies op tyd, net soos George”
Koos: ” Wie is George?”
Haarkapper: ” George was n ou wat alles altyd reg en perfek gedoen het. Soos jy nou presies 3-uur hier ingestap het was George altyd stiptelik en altyd hoflik en altyd netjies”
Koos: ”Ja, maar almal het tog maar iewers n tekortkoming of twee”
Haarkapper: ”Nie George nie nee, hy was n uitstekende atleet, rugbyspeler en tennisster met n gespierde liggaam om van te droom. Hy kon opera sing wat Frank Sinatra na n amateur laat klink het en dan kon hy boonop homself op die klavier begelei. Nee George was n amazing ou, nie so allerdaags en onbeholpe soos ek nie”
Koos: ”Klink my hy was regtig n merkwaardige ou”
Haarkapper: ”Baie merkwaardig. Hy het n brein soos n computer gehad. Hy het almal se verjaarsdae en huweliksherdenkings onthou. Hy was n wynkenner en fynproewer van formaat met die mooiste tafelmaniere ooit Verder kon hy enige ding op aarde regmaak, nie soos ek wat net probeer om die stoof se fuse te vervang en dan die hele buurt se krag laat trip nie. Nee, ou George kon net niks verkeerd doen nie”
Koos: ”Ja-nee wragtig, jy kry nie baie sulke mense nie”
Haarkapper: ”Jy weet, hy het die gawe gehad om nooit in die verkeer vas te sit nie. Hy het altyd die kortste en vinnigste roete gery sonder om ooit in n verkeersknoop te land. Ek, aan die ander kant, land elke bleddy dag in n traffic jam. George het net nie foute gemaak nie, en kon hy n vrou bederf en laat goed voel! Al is sy verkeerd het hy nooit tee gepraat of geargumenteer nie. Kyk, meer perfek as George kan en sal jy nerens kry nie”
Koos: ”Ongelooflik, hoe het jy hom ontmoet?”
Haarkapper: ”Nee, ek het nooit die voorreg gehad om vir George te ontmoet nie. Hy is n paar jaar gelede oorlede ……… ek het met sy fokken weduwee getrou”
Baie goeie ene Dries!
Ek wens almal ‘n baie geseënde Kersfees en ‘n wonderlike 2012 toe!!
Dankie vir die lekker lag die afgelope jaar, dit maak ‘n bra kak dag sommer baie beter!!
Moenie te veel eet en drink nie, ry veilig, en vir die gelukkiges wat op vakansie gaan, kom veilig terug.
O ja, onthou die sonbrand room!!!
Hello almal!!!
Voorspoed vir 2012, mag dit ‘n wonderlike jaar wees
Yes yes… dankie Dries, voorspoed van huis tot huis.
Grappie vir die week:
Ons Suid Afrikaners is snaakse mense.
As ons depressed voel dan suip ons,
As ons iets wil celebrate dan suip ons,
As ons niks het om te doen nie dan suip ons.
Daar is groot fout mense!!!
Bring vanmiddag jou dop, dan praat ons hieroor.
Ek het die afgelope vakansie ‘n interresante episode beleef:
Nadat ons terug was by die huis, het my tuinhulp van baie jare ook toe
so twee weke se verlof gekry.
Dit het natuurlik beteken dat ekself weer agter die grassnyer moes inskuif.
Die Saterdag-oggend was ek in my oudste PT-broek en T-shirt besig om die gras op die sypaadjie voor ons huis te sny,
en ek was haastig en wou die job ordentlik en gou afgehandel kry. Ek was nie lus om vir ‘n nuwe voornemende tuinhulp
te verduidelik hoe die gras gesny moes word nie.
Maar soos dit maar altyd gaan: As jy niemand nodig het nie, dan daag al die hulp in die wereld op. Elkeen wil weet of hy
nie ‘n piece-job vir die dag kan kry nie. Toe die vierde een opdaag en hande in die sakke staan en vra of hy ‘n piece-job
kan kry, toe verloop die gesprek omtrent soos volg:
Hy: “Ek ken hom die sny van die gras, ek soek die job”
Ek: “Sorry man, ek bly nie hier nie, ek werk net vir die mense wat hier binne bly.”
Hy: “Hau, die mense hulle employ ‘n whitey by die tuin”
Ek: “Ja, en hulle gee nie eers kos by lunchtime nie.”
Einde van die storie was, dat hy sy pakkie Kent sigarette uithaal, en my een aanbied.
Ek vat toe een, en hy steek hom vir my aan. Ek vat so drie trekke, nip die outjie, en
sit die stompie agter my oor.
So met die wegstap was sy laaste woorde: “Die ANC het alles kom opf…k.
HA HA HA! Uitstekend Brannas. Met jou toestemming sal ek hom op sit as ‘n post.
Verskoon die Engels, maar dis al hoe hierdie een werk!!!
# How do they serve alcoholic drinks on Italian cruise ships? – On the rocks
# What vegetables do you get with dinner on Italian cruise ships? – Leeks
# What’s the fastest way to get off an Italian cruise ship? -
Follow the captain
# When the captain of the ill fated Costa Concordia was asked if he
knew where he was going he replied “off course.”
# So the captain of the Costa Concordia will soon be in the dock.
That’s more than can be said for his ship.
# I like my women how I like my Italian Cruises. Wet, wrecked and
ready to go down.
# The Costa Concordia is probably the most expensive thing to go down
in Italy since Berlusconi’s last hooker.
# What’s the difference between the Italian economy and the stricken
cruise liner Costa Concordia?
Nothing – The bottoms dropped out of both.
hehe Dries….
Nog ene: Never try a barrel roll if you are the captain of a cruise ship!
Wors, of course sit hom op!
F@@@k wats almal so stil? Hou julle ouens wildtuin vakansies?
Ek dink ons moet ‘n braai reel!
Hel Brannas, goed om te sien jy’s darem ook nog hier!!!
Die moer alleen weet wat het van almal geword.
Fokkit ouens, ek was besig. Die nuwe baba het opgedaag, en tussen in werk ek my gat los. Net toe ek lus raak vir bietjie kakpraat op Snaaksgenoeg, gaan pleeg my rekenaar selfmoord!
Ek is nogsteeds besig, maar so kan dit nie aangaan nie – ek sal my vinger uit my hol trek en bietjie iets kwyt raak!
Nogmaals baie geluk Wors!!!! Hoop die kleinding gaan julle baie vreugde gee.
Die kak is nou net die min slaap, maar gelukkig is hulle groot voor jy behoorlik die kak uit jou oë vee!!
Ons verstaan dat jy soos ‘n jags kat rondhardloop, maar weet verseker dat jou lojale ondersteuners nooit sal weggaan nie!!
Sterkte
Lol Dries, eerder ‘n jags kat op ‘n warm sink dak!
Baie geluk wors!
Julle ouens is maar stil!! Is daar nog lewe daar buite?
Grappie vir die vrydag:
The history of rugby
It is largely unknown to players and followers of the modern game that rugby started off purely as a contest for forwards in opposition in line-outs, scrums, rucks and mauls. This pitted eight men of statuesque physique, supreme fitness and superior intelligence in packs against one another.
In those days, the winner was the pack that won the most set pieces. The debasement of the game began when backs were introduced. This occurred because a major problem was where to locate the next scrum or line-out.
Selecting positions on the ground for these had become a constant source of friction and even violence.
The problem was resolved by employing forward rejects, men of small stature and limited intelligence, to run aimlessly around within the field of play.
Following a set piece, the ball would be thrown to one of them, who would establish the next location either by dropping it or by throwing it to another reject for dropping. Very occasionally, a third reject would receive the ball before it would be dropped, and crowds would wildly cheer on these rare occasions. Initially these additional players were entirely disorganized but with the passing of time they adopted set positions.
For instance, take the half-back. He was usually one of the smallest and least intelligent of the backs whose role was simply to accept the ball from a forward and to pass it on to one of the other rejects who would drop it, providing the new location for the forwards to compete. He could easily (given his general size) have been called a quarter forward or a ball monkey but then tolerance and compassion are the keys to forward play and the present euphemism was decided on.
The five-eighth plays next to the half-back and his role is essentially the same except that when pressured, he usually panics and kicks the ball.
Normally, he is somewhat taller and slightly better built than the half-back and hence his name. One-eighth less and he would have been a half-back, three-eighths more and he might well have qualified to become a forward.
The centres were opportunists who had no expertise but wanted to share in the glamour associated with forward packs. After repeated supplication to the forwards for a role in the game they would be told to get out in the middle of the field and wait for instructions. Thus, when asked where they played, they would reply “in the centre”. And they remain to this day, parasites and scroungers who mostly work as lawyers or used car dealers.
You may ask, why wingers? The answer is simple. Because these were players who had very little ability and were the lowest in the backline pecking order, they were placed as far away from the ball as possible. Consequently, and because the inside backs were so diligent in their assigned role of dropping the ball whenever they received it, the main contribution to the game made by the winger was not to get involved. Their instructions were to run away as quickly as possible whenever trouble appeared, and to avoid tackles at all costs. The fact that the game was organised so that the wingers didn’t get to touch the ball led to an incessant flow of complaints from them and eventually the apt description “whingers” was applied. Even though the “h” dropped off over the years, the whingeing itself unfortunately has not.
Lastly, the full-back. This was the position given to the worst handler, the person least able to accept or pass the ball, someone who was always in the way. The name arose because the forwards would understandably become infuriated by the poor play invariably demonstrated by that person, and call out “send that fool back”. He would then be relegated well out of everyone’s way to the rear of the field.
So there you have it. Let’s return to the glory days of a contest between two packs of eight men of statuesque physique, supreme fitness and superior intelligence. The rest can go off to where they will be happier, playing soccer.
Hello Brannas!! Ja, daar is inderdaad nog lewe………..ek, jy en Wors!
Baie goed, en so van pas op hedendaagse kak spanne soos die Lions, Cheetahs, Sharks